This semester in my music capstone class, we are talking about music, theology, and vocation. A theme that I keep hearing repeatedly in our discussions is music takes work: in listening, intent to discover unity between tensions and aesthetics; in performance, both a deep analysis of compositional direction with subjective and personal influence and a genuine attempt to connect deeply with your audience/human experience; and in worship, reflection of your personal, authentic dedication to Christ that shines through the music. These goals in all aspects of experiencing music makes me return to a phrase my choir director often says; “The reason we work so hard on the technical aspects of music is to allow the true meaning of the piece to shine through without any distractions.” I have always admired this aspect of her musicianship because it works beyond the superficial, and I think this outlook puts a deep responsibility on all musicians. I have been thinking about what it meant to be a Christian performer, and through several class discussions, I think it seems to be clearer that performance as a Christian creates an integrity through hard work and study – not only advancing technical skills but showing musicianship, engaging in discussion with others, being willing to teach (and be taught), etc.
Yet, another aspect of my character as a musician is that I’m not JUST a musician; I am also a scientist. Lately, I have been struggling to justify how music can fit as a double major if it takes this incredible amount of work to create impactful art. I must admit that often times, I will trade practice time for 300-level science studying. Is it worth me having a double major if I’m not working as hard as I can to refine my musicianship? I have always said my music major builds my ability to analyze data and find patterns, as well as increases my understanding of the human experience and improves my empathy. These skills are notable and valuable skills to develop; however, I do feel like I am cheating my musical education, audience, and God-given potential to always put music on the “backburner.”
I feel this very heavy responsibility to work hard as a musician, and yet, I am a very talented scientist (and I feel God’s call in that area as well). How do I reconcile these two aspects of my life without wearing myself out (it would be unrealistic to expect 100% in both paths)? I recall, in a previous conversation with you during my freshman year, you told me that if I wanted to pursue a career as a musician, I needed to work very hard from the start (i.e. getting multiple gigs to make a living, go to a good graduate school, etc.). I do not think I am being called to your life, and yet, I chose music as my major because it means something very important to me.
I care about people and relationships more than anything else. I love how my vocal performance can empower and encourage others. Yet, if I’m not spending adequate time refining my voice and musicianship, I cannot fulfill what I love most about music. And while I cannot securely draw conclusions on what I should do about this, I can say that I think music as a double major should not be taken lightly. Music has an incredible emotional, persuasive, medicinal, (etc.) quality to its nature, and unlike most disciplines, it has easy permeability and accessibility to everyone (because almost everyone experiences music). I can also say conclusively that my choir director is correct; good music does take work, and only through good music (music with intentionality or purpose or texture or freedom from technical errors) can God speak clearly (by this, I mean that it’s hard to hear God’s voice at a middle school band concert).
I think there is a difference between doing many things with 100% (which is impossible) and doing things wholeheartedly. I can be focused on my science job yet have moments in the week where I am fully devoted to music. This allows me (and others!) with multiple passions to pursue them unashamedly for Christ.
Kali's GodBioMedMusic Musings 